On Monday a coaching client mentioned feeling inadequate to put herself in front of high-end clientele . The next day I heard the same fear articulated by another woman I was coaching who also had that “less than” thing going on. Then, over lunch with a colleague yesterday same story again.
So, what started as an “hmmmm” on Monday, took on trend status Tuesday and proved to be an epidemic by Thursday. Definitely a blog topic for today!
I’m traveling to Florida next week to be with good friends and have also scheduled an appointment while I’m down there to meet with the President of an acclaimed art college to offer a collaborative event. My gremlins are SCREAMING: “Why would he be interested in YOU?” “He has millions of alums who can do what you do in high heels and backwards.” “What could you possibly offer that he doesn’t already have enough of?”
Do you need me to share more to qualify for this sorority? I didn’t think so…
Fortunately, I participate in a spiritual fellowship every Friday morning and heard just what I needed today to address this issue: the fear that lies beneath our desires.
I believe that my intuitive hit to contact this gentleman, based on a quote of his I read in the NYTimes awhile back, was the spark of God in me. And that my gremlins represent FEAR and are combated only by action.
What’s on the other side of this impostor/less-than/fear-of-success syndrome is faith, success and the unknown. It used to be more comfortable for me (us) to wallow in the familiar, icky as it may be. I can’t do that any more.
The way I get beyond my saboteurs, head games and paralysis is to name it and claim it, to ask for help and to do the next right thing. I pick up the phone, describe what’s going on to a caring friend, and describe the action I’m going to take on my behalf. It has worked every time I’ve done this and is the underpinning for my success to date.
The fear doesn’t go away. I keep doing scarier and cooler things in my business. But the muscle I’m flexing to overcome the fear is growing stronger every time I use it.
Jane I love where you point us all on the journey of dealing with our fears. I agree; notice it, feel it, name it, then take action to combat it. And I’d like to add that I have made an out loud commitment to handle all my fears in a new way; that the safe, familiar way of being crippled by them, just isn’t okay anymore. And that conscious decision also helps in moving forward. And I’ll own up to the fact that I was the colleague at lunch! Thanks, Susie
@Susie
A+ for stepping forward and leaving fear in your wake. For me, it’s a daily exercise. My hunch is that if we’re not afraid, we’re not reaching high enough.
I look forward to watching your journey starting NOW.
Jane:
Bravo to you for your transparency in your blog about your own Gremlins.
I feel that one of the greatest gifts of being a coach is that we not only mirror back to our clients but our clients are a mirror back to us. I just love that many of my clients are arriving at their sessions lately discussing their need for self-care, putting themselves higher on the priority list – or even on the list at all 🙂 – and about Nature tugging at their heartstrings as a way to get a more resonant spirituality in their lives. What other work asks us to be so engaged and learning about the core of who we are and to be constantly refining and working on ourselves ? Amazing!
I admire the fact that instead of resting on your laurels you are stepping into the unknown!
Karen
P.S. I howled when I saw the picture of the fake nose & glasses.
I wondered when/if you would write about this! 🙂 Thank you for naming my gremlins and giving me strategies for developing those muscles!
You can’t know how timely this is.
Thanks.
Ruth
HUGE issue for me! Thanks for writing about.
What is my 30 years experience if I didn’t go to the right school?
What is my God-given talent if I don’t believe in myself?
Who am I to be “showing off”?
I love the analogy of exercising the muscle of action, making it stronger to deal with the next fearful challenge. Wonderful!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate…..”
@Karen, Carrie, Ruth and Gini,
Guess I’m not alone, eh?! Carrie, you actually weren’t one of the three I was referring to :-).
Thanks, All, for writing.
Jane,
I just loved this posting. The way you challenge your fear is an inspiration for all of us. I too have noticed trends with my clients. Lately, I find that they all want to be more savvy with their time management. Fear can be part of that as well. When I know I need to do something and my fear saboteur is strong, I procrastinate, I feel indecisive, I take longer to do tasks while avoiding the thing that I really need to. So even though I say I need to work on time management, I really have issues with a few other saboteurs!
@Monica
Thank you for writing!And for validating this topic. Identifying those saboteurs is half the battle.
I love reading all your comments on this subject. I’m finding in my own journey, and those of my clients, that a great strategy is to consciously decide to make a choice to think differently about the fears that habitually cripple us. I notice my conditioned response to something scary is to make up a story or assumption that it means something. As soon as I challenge that belief, a whole world of new possibilities opens up. Changing that old story requires conscious attention and I’m finding it’s worth its weight in gold.
I think we are afraid of what will happen after our taking action. Possible results: nothing happens, I will be rejected, I will feel humiliated, etc.
When I am good at ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway,’ I think of all the possible outcomes good and bad, but especially bad. I ask myself would that be so terrible. The answer is usally no….certainly not as painful as doing nothing.
I really like Jane’s idea of calling someone and telling them the ‘problem’ and what you plan to do. Because in the voicing it outloud it can lose it’s terror; and you have someone cheering you who knows you are being brave.
Dear Jane,
I am tickled at the perfect timing of your “Imposter Syndrome” article. I am preparing for a big meeting, something that represents the culmination of years of work, focus and intention. Like you, I am used to my own voices that say, “Just who do you think you are?” I have told those voices many times, “Look, I know you think I’ll just die if I do this new thing, thanks for trying to protect me, but I’m in charge and I am going forward. It’ll be alright.” Then, each time I step forward, the voices realize that I survived after all – I get stronger and the voices get quieter. As you wrote, “I keep doing scarier and cooler things in my business.” This meeting coming up for me is very cool – and I am going in to it with all I’ve got, and so far the voices have tried to pipe up, but it’s been OK. I am also keeping in mind that my success will help so many other women who are helping women – that’s certainly a big fuel for me – after all, it’s not about me, it’s about success for many! I think that so many of us can be helped in acheving our dreams when we remember that others benefit when we offer our soul gifts.
Dale
@Dale
I can’t wait to hear your good news at the other end of this! Thank you for sharing your process. It’s been working well for you 🙂