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May 14, 2013

Feeling Jealous?

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The ‘impostor syndrome’ came up recently in a group I was leading. One member, who by the way had recently received major recognition in the media, described that less-than feeling she was experiencing. I encouraged her to share her feelings, because they’re real, painful and need an outlet. But I also wanted her to know that she was not alone. I asked if anyone else in the room ever felt that way. EVERY hand went up, including mine.

The best method I have for overcoming or dealing with envy of the competition is to drill down to what it is about their business model you wish was yours and use that information to grow your own company.

In my book Soul Proprietor, Lesson 9 is: In changing what is into what can be, we learn what we need to know.

That issue came up big time for me when I was first exhibiting my artwork. The jewelry display, and its proprietor across the aisle from my booth, were the objects of my jealousy. Not only did she have an elaborate set-up with brown ultrasuede walls dripping with her masterpieces, she also had a mob of women with fistfuls of money seeking her attention and products. There were other sales people in her booth helping her. In short, she had everything I wanted, but with a different craft and more experience.

That didn’t mean anything to me. I wanted instant recognition and fortune. Who doesn’t?

After a bout of unrewarded pouting, I began to analyze what it was she was doing and how she may have achieved her success. I had time on my hands as my booth was not busy at all giving me time to think and plan. Of course, you’ll have to read the lesson yourself for the details, but suffice it to say, my methodology worked. I became successful and stopped looking over my shoulder.

The impostor syndrome doesn’t go away, but now I can recover from it much faster or ask myself the question: Is that really what I want? The answers are changing.

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2 Comments

  1. Kim Barron

    Well, Jane, once again the power of the Universe has proven itself to me. I sat down this evening to go through the day’s emails and was reading through an ENews blast that I receive from a national graphic design publication. They were featuring an article on a small, award-winning, local (CT) woman-owned design firm that always seems to be popping up in the news with their latest and greatest award-winning endeavors. I, of course, started to feel myself withering as I began to compare my business to theirs. I really began to beat myself up as I perused their website and saw all the projects that I would like to have done. I sighed, closed the browser and asked the Universe out loud for some guidance in what I could/should do… should I be grateful for the success I already have and continue doing things the way I have been or should I strive to be more like those that I envy? And next thing I know your blog “Feeling Jealous?” pops into my email box with a story of a very similar scenario, and some sage advice. Thanks Universe and Thanks Jane. Love it when things work out that way. ; )

    Reply
  2. janepollak

    @Kim
    You’ve probably heard the tale of the two hungry wolves on our shoulders and choosing which one you want to feed–envy or gratitude. Thanks for sharing this with us

    Reply

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