On every application form I send to prospects I ask, Is there one skill or ability you’d like to develop that would take you to the next level? Over 80% of the responses I receive include ‘more confidence’ which surprises me. The women who choose to work with me are already highly successful, have accomplished innumerable goals and built thriving businesses.
Yet, confidence is not something that women FEEL in their bones. As often as we hear, “Fake it till you make it!” a lack of confidence whispers in women’s ears (mine, too, often enough) “This is for someone more qualified than you.” Or other versions of gremlin-speak. You can fill in your own blank here.
Then this morning, I read Nicholas Kristof’s column in the OpEd section of the Times and felt validated:
The most important trend in the world, I believe, is the empowerment of women. This is transforming society and the global economy (although researchers believe that the world would still be $28 trillion richer if gender gaps were bridged).
I didn’t make this up. Women have been systematically and systemically disempowered until now.
Something is different in the messages we women receive throughout our lives. Like the cartoon image above, we don’t see ourselves the same way the public sees us no matter how good we look. Looks and trophies have been the deciding factor for decades if not millennia. I’ll never forget an interview with Barbra Streisand in Oprah Magazine. At one point, this extraordinary singing star compared herself, less favorably, to Tina Turner. Really?! You’re at the top of the heap, and you’re still looking at who you perceive as higher than you?!
Do men do that? One unfortunate leader who comes to mind would never place himself second to anyone. Is this learned behavior?
Let me speak for myself as an American woman rather than further generalize about ALL women. From the earliest age I remember, I learned that I was not quite right–a pot belly to hold in, higher grades to score, home-maker vs. wage-earner. This was all acceptable as the norm.
I recently attended a Mama Gena School of Womanly Arts event led by the courageous, bold and fabulous Regena Thomashauer, who points the finger squarely at the patriarchy. Her weekend class touched off something in me–and the 2500 other women in attendance–that can no longer be stuffed down. Something ain’t right. The #metoo and Times Up movements are gaining traction like no bra-burning demonstrations ever have.
There’s a movement afoot to empower women, and I’m happily and unashamedly a part of it at a personal and professional level. Self-esteem is built by performing esteem-able acts. Confidence–a word composed of con (with) and fiducia (trust)–grows the more our systems can be counted on and trusted to support us females.
Most men I know don’t have the same confidence issue. Below is an illustration that helps me understand the different ways we were acculturated. Fortunately, conscious, woke men like Nicholas Kristof are aligned in this essential cause.
Let’s keep on keeping on! A picture paints a thousand words and the two cartoon images say it all.
Cheers to Confidence being key for 2018. Believe in yourself! Thanks Jane!