Since learning my new craft – wool appliqué aka penny rugs – my creative output has been voluminous. I’ve been sewing, designing, and posting multiple blog entries. Everything was blossoming, even in the midst of the pandemic. I’d found a source of joy and energy, and I was on fire.
Until July 13 when my kitchen renovation began. In my mind, I’d be out of my apartment for two weeks, tops three. No one laughed at my timeline, but I did hear a few fellow renovation evacuees suggest that I double that. Mind you, this was a gut job. I had no idea.
Excitedly, I packed up my stuff, piled the contents of my kitchen, dining area, pantry and hall closets into my living room, and hauled off with a suitcase and backpack to start my adventure.
But now, as I enter week 4 of being out of my home, I feel ungrounded, untethered. It took my action partner, to whom I report twice weekly, to remind me, “Of course you’re anxious. In the Story of Jane, you were uprooted from being the artist you so recently rediscovered.”
EVERYONE is experiencing setbacks and challenges during this extraordinary time. I recognize that mine is minor in the scheme of things. I share my process in the hope that it might shed light or be helpful to you, Dear Reader.
Although I wasn’t looking to delay the process, I got very hung up on the color of the cabinets I’d chosen. When I returned to my apartment to pick up the mail and packages, I saw pieces of the cabinetry waiting to be installed. I got a sick feeling in my reliable gut that the color was off. I wanted a robin’s egg blue. What I was seeing was a powder blue. For you lay people, they may seem insignificant, but it caused me concern and several back-and-forths with the designer to reassure me I would be living with the color I wanted. I was having a hard time being convinced that it was, indeed, the correct shade.
I was so sure of my keen eye that I allowed for a delay in the templating of the countertops until I was positive what we had was THE right color. Finally, this afternoon, my designer sent me these two images, shot in different light. Can you see the difference? Depending on the source of the illumination, the colors appear quite differently. Brought me back to Art G101 where we studied Albers and color theory.
“What would I be doing now if I weren’t obsessing?”
I wonder why I needed to focus so strongly on this particular detail. Yes, I want it right, and I see a big difference. But I believe that my being out of my nest, without my tools, comforts and routines, created the perfect storm for this meltdown.
Do you ever have those?
Fortunately, I got to reconnect with Jane, the Artist, today on my first Ready, Set, Zoom call where I co-worked for three hours. I could feel my pulse slowing and my brainwaves calming. The way back to my spirit is in taking artistic action. I hope you can find your way back when you feel stressed.