As a fellow card-carrying member of AARP, I barely blinked when one friend moved from Greenwich, CT to Sarasota, FL. I was only mildly curious when another friend told me about her winter place in Arizona. But, when a third woman talked about her mother’s decision to settle in at a Continuing Care Residential Community (CCRC) in Maplewood, NJ, I perked up. Sign #1.

Soon after, I received an email about a talk on CCRC’s at SUNY Purchase. I took the train to North White Plains, then Uber-ed to the campus. In a room of 30 attendees, I found myself seated next to a blond, literary-looking woman who also lived in NYC. She’d been in publishing, knew my sister (the literary agent), and offered me a ride home. Sign #2.

Later that week, while browsing for something to watch, I stumbled on a Ted Danson series called A Man on the Inside about an elderly gentleman (Ted) going undercover in a CCRC. The show’s depiction of community life as joyful and invigorating hooked me. Sign #3. 

Yeah, I thought. When I’m 80…

Then, in early July, I had a vertigo attack and took my third trip (all non-life-threatening) to the ER in under 15 months. I remembered a spiritual passage I’d read: first the Universe throws pebbles, then stones, then boulders.

I decided it was time to listen.

Once I opened the door to the idea, the signs kept coming–green lights everywhere.

I went back to the CCRC daughter, who has first-hand knowledge of real estate, and said, “How do I find a realtor?”

“Call Jake,” she suggested mentioning a mutual friend’s name. I immediately texted Jake expecting a future appointment in the following week or two.

“How about in 15 minutes?” he countered. Sign #1.

Jake set me up with a realtor with a background in art and architecture. Sign #2.

When I told my superintendent, who had witnessed my ambulance trip, about my intended move, he responded warmly.

“Anything you need! I will help you in any way I can,” he told me. Sign #3.

The realtor and I met a couple of days after our initial phone call, decided it was a good fit, and worked with a photographer that same week. 

I toured three CCRC’s and ultimately chose Lantern Hill in New Providence, NJ that is just ¼ mile from my son and his family. Lantern Hill invited me for a 24 – 48 hour “Live the Life” stay to try it on.

I attended the re-opening of their art studio, shared meals with residents, swam laps in the indoor pool and took an invigorating Tone & Stretch class.

Overwhelmed and confused, I called a close friend mid-visit.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.” I told her, hoping for guidance.

She told me, “I don’t know is a prayer.” My uncertainty was part of the process.

Back home, I listed my pros and cons with ChatGPT (yes, AI!): my adoration for New York and its cultural wealth, the satisfying relationships I’ve made here, living in the greatest city in the world.

And, I would prefer to be in a more protected environment as I age. Lantern Hill is picturesque in a serene setting. My grandsons are 8 and 12, and I want to be in their lives more. 

Its response: You’re not choosing between vibrancy and security. You’re choosing between two different forms of fulfillment. Sign #1.

The second person who saw my apartment made an offer. Sign #2.

My son said, “The boys can walk over to your place, swim in the pool, draw in the art studio. I can see Owen becoming the Mayor of Lantern Hill in no time.” Sign #3.

If you’re making a major life decision, here’s my recipe for that process:

1. Notice what you notice.
2. Watch for signs.
3. Pay attention when the lights keep turning green.

This move isn’t the end of my love affair with New York; it’s a shift. New Providence is only a 46-minute train ride from midtown, not much longer than my current commute from Washington Heights. I’ll be coming into New York frequently while also building a new circle in NJ.

Best of all? I’ll be there for my grandsons’ practices and games, and for the spontaneous, everyday moments.

And I love the question a resident asked me at the Art Studio open house, “What will you teach us?”