I made a mistake.

A dear and trusted colleague contacted me last fall and offered to nominate me to attend an expensive event in May. From the get-go, my ego inflated and I thought, She’s nominating ME. I must really be something!

There weren’t a lot of details offered, but three things grabbed my attention: GREAT WOMEN, SPA, $3500. An intoxicating cocktail to garner my attention and resources. Something that expensive HAD to be great, right?

“I’m in!” The date was six months in the future. I love having a calendar item like that to anticipate and savor, as I did this experience-to-be.

A couple of months later I attended Mama Gena’s Womanly Arts Experience at the Javits along with 2500 other women for $35. Though not committed going into the weekend, within 15 minutes Regena Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena) had enrolled me in her message and process. She is an extraordinarily gifted leader, and I hung on every word and interaction throughout the two days.

By the end of the weekend, I had signed up for Mastery, a 3-month (also expensive) course involving three in-person weekends. One of them overlapped with that other May commitment. I was torn about even signing up for Mama Gena’s classes, but I thought, I’ll miss only one day (of six). No biggie.

Early this month I flew to my spa destination. Let’s just say, my expectations were high. For $3500 I thought I would get to know and bond with women in a completely unique and inspired way. Profound questions would be asked and insights revealed. Mind you, this is what I do for a living, so signing up to observe and participate in someone else’s techniques added value to what I hoped to take away.

Upon arrival at the Gold Lounge, we retreatants were greeted by a tray of champagne-filled flutes in the elegant but noisy backroom of the lounge. I opted for Pellegrino. I wanted to be fully alert and clear-headed to meet the magnificent women I’d be getting to know.

It was hard to hear the others introduce themselves, and I was distracted by children playing loudly in the adjoining room. We eventually moved outside to a quieter location and then onto dinner. There was Muzak playing too loudly (am I sounding like an old woman or a concerned participant?) in the dining room where the first course was a lesson on tequila and how to drink it. One woman, not the organizer, dominated the conversation at dinner on an upsetting topic. I began to squirm.

When are we going to get to the reason we’re all here? I wondered. My uh-oh meter was tilting to high. I won’t go into more details, because the other women were thriving and the leader is a lovely person. It just wasn’t for me.

I went back to my very luxurious accommodations and thought about how I could leave early enough to not miss the entire Saturday with Mama Gena. The longer I spent in this environment, the more I craved the intimacy and deep learning that Mama Gena fosters.

Early departure required a change in airline tickets (plus penalty, of course) and rescheduling my airport pick-up, not to mention informing the group of my decision. I stayed on the phone with American Airlines for 45 minutes. It was going to require a $400 re-booking fee, but the phone person wisely asked me if I wanted to use airline points, which I did, and that covered the cost of the flight. A sign, indeed! The limo change was simple, and telling the group was easier than I anticipated. I had already mentioned Mama Gena to them, so my decision was not a total surprise.

I stayed through until 7pm on Friday, missed most of dinner, a memorable (I saw pictures) dessert, the after-hours festivities, a Saturday morning hike and good-byes. Instead, I took the red-eye flight back to NY.

My main motivation was participation in Mama Gena’s class. I would not have left early if I wasn’t being pulled by the power of her material.

I arrived at JFK at 5am, got back to my place and slept for a few hours. I got to Mastery before noon (it started at 10am), just in time for a powerful exercise with 3 other women. Within minutes of getting to the auditorium I knew I’d made the right decision.

Why am I sharing this long saga? Because several people I told this story to said they would not have been brave enough to take the steps I took. I loved the validation, but the true reward was the gratification I got the second I walked into the sea of 500 women intimately relating to each other, me included. I forgot that quality does not require spas, high fees and a small number of nominated participants.

I get quality when I trust my own instincts and respect my own values. I’d like to say “lesson learned” but I imagine I’ll probably have to be reminded of my own inner wisdom occasionally and humbly.