I vividly remember Dr. Julie White report on studies of female behavior in an audio series I listened to years ago, especially this morning in a moment of self-doubt.
When given an insoluble puzzle to complete, the women involved in the study blamed themselves–“I’m not very good at puzzles” and “I must not’ve listened to the instructions carefully enough.” While the men being observed in the same psychological test responded, “There must be something wrong with this puzzle” and “You didn’t explain it well enough” when they failed to complete the puzzle.
The puzzle did not have a solution. Those providing the test were observing the responses to being handed this conundrum. As you can see–very different reactions between the men and women.
This morning I was at a coffee shop on the Upper West Side waiting to meet someone new–a fellow coach in my neighborhood. She texted me that she’d be 5 minutes late, followed by a second text saying “Wearing agreement coat.”
Now she took the same Coaches Training Institute (CTI) coursework I took albeit about 3-4 years later. “Agreement coat?” Was that a principle they began teaching after I graduated? Was it about creating a new perspective that I hadn’t learned? Did I miss that memo? Was she forewarning me as to how she’d like to approach our meeting?
The mystery was solved when Lisa Hart walked in seconds later in a green coat, but not before I had diminished myself in my own mind for lacking some imagined coaching vocabulary based on a texting auto-correction.
Anyone else guilty of self-flagellation prior to investigation?
Jane- this is too funny! I have that same tape by Dr.Julie White, and I’ve found her findings to be too true. 🙁 And I have tried to figure out some ” auto correct” messages, too!! I hope your meeting was happy and productive!
@Sandy
Thanks so much for your comment. Yes, my meeting was totally delightful and rewarding.
Years ago my husband and I went to a concert with our cool friend Susan, who is always smashingly outfitted. I noticed her shirt was inside-out, but didn’t mention it since we were out in public already. And when the woman in front of us also had a t-shirt on inside-out, I thought: “That Susan is always ahead of the curve. How did I miss this cool fashion trend?” But later when she saw herself in a mirror, Susie exclaimed: “Why didn’t you tell me my shirt was on inside-out?!” This is a lightweight example–but I am just as guilty as you about jumping to conclusions that I am the one not in the know! Glad your meeting went well…cheers!
@Terry
I’ve heard this called the Halo Effect (also by Dr. Julie White), where we give undue credit to people due to the impression they’ve made on us. Perfect example of your inside-out story. Thank you!