I heard a friend quoting Dr. Phil this morning. She said he said that we teach people how to treat us. I offered my recollection that it was Eleanor Roosevelt who got there first with that wisdom. Which led me, once back in my office, to a search of quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt that captured my attention and distracted me from my original purpose–finding the source of who said that line first.

Maybe I’m getting it confused with her oft-quoted line: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Same theme. (Does anyone know the original quote?) It’s true, of course, but I had another thought about attribution.

The thought, during the conversation that followed, was to whom do we credit our own growing wisdom? My path started 25  years ago when I listened to my first audio cassette tape series by Wayne Dyer called Choosing Your Own Greatness. My chiropractor at the time, Wendy Coren, lent me her set. I have to admit, I thought that the mysterious tapes were some kind of voo-doo. If I couldn’t see the person delivering the message, how could it exist? This was way before mp3’s and audible.com made audio learning mainstream. That tape series changed my life. If that’s not voo-doo, I don’t know what is.

The emphasis of Dyer’s message was choice. Choosing was the action word selected to begin the title. I learned from his example that we are always at choice, much as I wanted to dispute his claim. I so often found myself victimized and wanted to blame others. Wayne Dyer took away all my excuses and forced me to take responsibility for each of my choices. It’s a bitter pill to swallow for the first time. But it’s also the way to wellness and mental health–taking responsibility for each of our choices.

I’m sure someone said that another way before I heard it from Wayne. In fact, Eleanor Roosevelt said: “One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” But he’s the one I heard say it first and has been a guru of mine ever since.

The point is, it doesn’t matter so much who you get your wisdom from. It’s that you get that wisdom in your bones that matters most.

On a lighter note, I can’t resist adding (Scarlett, you’ll appreciate this!) another quote of Eleanor’s I found along the way: “You should always own a black dress because no one ever remembers a black dress.”