I received a straightforward email recently from a long-time subscriber who clearly stated that she ‘cannot stand’ my recent email marketing campaigns; that she will stay on my list only if I go back to my old way of coaching. I politely invited her to select which mailings she might like to continue receiving, for example just my e-newsletters and not my joint venture offers or announcements of my speaking engagements.

Interestingly, I’ve recently observed a sharp upswing in calls from the opposite camp requesting my services mainly because they admire what I’m doing online.

Anyone with an email address understands that business owners are using this form of communication frequently and strategically. I personally unsubscribed from over 200 lists at the end of last year. But I deliberately remained subscribed to some competitors whose multiple blasts may feel at times intrusive, but are also highly instructive. Hitting the delete key is worth the price of seeing what the competition is up to, where they’re showing up, what they’re offering and how they’re offering it. It’s a bit of a free education from the sidelines. I’m taking full advantage.

What bothered me about the email I had received was the intention it conveyed: Don’t grow, Jane. Don’t change. I liked you the way you were. Please stay that way and I will continue to be a fan.

This subscriber might have put it this way instead: “I’m really inundated with emails these days, and I’ve noticed an increase in your distribution. Is there any way I might stay in touch and not have quite the deluge?” I understand that some folks may not like the changes that I’ve made in order to grow my company. That’s okay. I’ve known for a long time that I can’t please everyone. I am willing and eager to meet your needs, but be aware of your own motivation and impact as you navigate these murky cyber-waters.

Personally, I know that what I say to others is a 100% reflection of where I am in my life at that time. It is my projection onto them of what I want or don’t want, and I’ve learned to take ownership of that.

Yesterday I attended a meeting where all participants had 3 minutes of air time to voice their issues. When it was apparent that there would be extra time, members were invited to share again for 2 minutes if they would like to contribute a second time. Three or four people raised their hands, and I noticed a growing resentment building inside of me. “Look at them! They think they deserve to be heard again. How presumptuous!” What was really going on inside of me was the deep desire (and fear) to get my hand up so that I could be heard again.

My attitude was about me, not them. As soon as I raised my hand and spoke, my pent-up emotions went away. I no longer had any judgment of others because I was tending to my own needs and taking responsibility for them.

I’m curious if you notice your own behavior around criticizing others. You’ve heard the biblical saying, “Before you take the speck out of your brother’s eye, remove the log from yours first.” Anyone want to share for three minutes here?