In June 2001, I mailed stamped invitations (pre-email) to a few dozen of my most creative friends and colleagues requesting them to join me for a dinner party at Bloodroot, a feminist vegetarian restaurant in Bridgeport, CT. I labeled the event the ‘Artsy Girls’ – a name that met with mixed reactions at first, but which everyone grew to love.
Nearly 20 women attended that night. My idea was to connect these talented women to each other and to be a witness to whatever happened as a result. It was also an opportunity to forge a deeper relationship with each of them myself.
We mingled on the patio for a bit, then formed a large circle where we more formally got to know each other. At my insistence, each woman’s self-intro had to include a brag – an announcement of something she was proud to have achieved. There was a lot of head-nodding as these extremely gifted individuals mentioned where their work had recently gained recognition – magazines, galleries, TV appearances.
We then adjourned inside the restaurant for dinner and sat at three large tables to continue the conversation. At the end of the evening, one member said, “We have to do this again! Let’s have the next one at my house.” And we did. (Thank you, Beverly Ellsley!)
The second gathering three months later was such a success that we continued to meet quarterly, me at the helm, and individual members rotating the hosting role for nearly 20 years.
Interestingly, not all creatives enjoy bragging and some may even have a deep-seated reluctance to being in the spotlight, no matter how celebrated they become. But I knew that it was an important part of our connectivity.
I didn’t eliminate that part of the festivities, but accepted that I might cause some members to stretch out of their comfort zones. Those who were comfortable, and even eager to share their light, came prepared and excited to be applauded for a recent achievement. They appreciated having that as part of our quarterly agenda.
Notably, you may remember a past newsletter article about Mary Quinlan, an Artsy Girl, who learned to deal with that limiting inner voice by actively channeling her alter ego, Vanessa. When Mary hesitated at being ‘seen,’ Vanessa jumped in and took the lead allowing Mary’s full talent to be on display and win awards.
I believe that my family dinner table was the origin of my comfort with, and even training for, bragging. Unlike a good friend of mine whose family had the mantra: “SPS – self-praise stinks” if they caught her looking admiringly into a mirror, my parents nodded favorably as my siblings and I vied for their attention.
“I got an A on my English paper!”
“I got a 97 on my math quiz!”
“My teacher picked me to help paint the mural outside our classroom!”
This is a prelude to share a current boast with you.
Last month, in my newsletter, I wrote about my photography class at Hunter and how it has transformed my experience of living in New York City.
On Memorial Day, I held an Open House – a gathering for my neighbors who participated in my project. While we all crave connection, not everyone feels called to bring people together. I’m grateful that initiating comes easily and naturally to me.
Our hours together that Monday were hugely satisfying with new connections made and neighborhood wisdom exchanged. One neighbor updated her Facebook page with the portrait I took of her (to rave reviews!). I can’t wait to try the new eatery on 151st and Riverside called The Getaway my downstairs neighbor told us all about. Plus, we ALL expressed a desire for more time together. I see myself heading up a social committee in the building to help make that happen.
So, here’s my brag:
My professor at Hunter loved my project and encouraged me to pitch it to the media. She even sent this email to NY1 (our local TV station) on my behalf:
Jane is an inspiring woman in her seventies who began a remarkable community project during my class. She set out to photograph the tenants in her apartment building with the simple yet powerful goal of fostering a sense of connection among neighbors. At the time, she mentioned that she didn’t know anyone in her building. Now, thanks to her efforts, she’s photographed around 30 tenants, and, more importantly, helped to transform a group of strangers into a genuine community.
What began as a photography assignment has grown into a meaningful initiative that continues to evolve.
Her story is a beautiful example of how creativity and compassion can reshape our daily lives and the spaces we share. I sincerely believe she would be a wonderful choice for New Yorker of the Week.
I’ll let you know if I get chosen for this exciting PR opportunity. But here’s the thing: whether I’m selected or not, the actions I’ve taken leading up to this are what count more than another 15-minutes of fame.
It’s vital to strengthen the muscle of self-love and self-acknowledgment. Bragging – or whatever form it might take for you – is a tool for reinforcing this practice. Humble bragging is currently the rage. Whatever form you choose, please share something you’re proud of with me. I, for one, will applaud you.
Final recipe for success: Gather like-minded people together – Artsy Girls or the people in your neighborhood, as in my case, add good food and intentions, plus a gentle agenda, and see what can happen.
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